Chapter 5: Lee Shane Wardley

Hi.  I'm Lee Shane Wardley.  I'm adopted.  I only found out about it in 10th grade, though, because I never made the connection that a white mom and a black dad couldn't have a Chinese kid.

Well, I don't really know what to say, except that I'm really athletic, I'm a leader, but I don't talk a lot, and I'm looking for a similar girl.

Yeah.

My locker is 116, in upstairs A hall.

Chapter 6: Erica Bohyer

Yeah, okay, this is a little awkward, but I'm actually looking for a girl to date.

I think I'm a lesbian.  Well, I don't know.  It's just that I've never really been attracted to guys, and when I thought I was, it didn't feel like it, still.  And so I started looking at girls, and, well, I actually did feel attracted.

But don't show this to anyone.  I don't want my friends knowing I might be lesbo.  Yet.  Right now, I'm just looking for a girl that I can keep a secret relationship with.  Just don't give me any guys.  Guys are incredibly stupid.  I mean, come on!  Then again, we've already established that.  All girls have.  Probably why a lot of them switch sides.

Anyway, yeah.  I'm Erica, I like wearing swimsuit tops, mainly because I'm a surfer.  But since the school doesn't allow that most of the time, my norm is a white t-shirt, red belt, and jeans.  I usually wear the red belt because it's my signature, and the white tee because you can style 'em up however.  I did all of mine.  When I grow up, I either wanna do casual every-day fashion for guys and girls, mainly graphic tees and jeans or do something in forensics.  You know, police work.  Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a pro golfer, but I don't think that's gonna happen.  But I do want to take my boat around the world, one day.  Not a lot of people have done that.

So, I don't really know what to look for in girls, but, well, hold on, now, let me think....

I guess I'm probably looking for someone who likes the water and music as much as I do.  I like to talk a lot, and past boyfriends tend to talk more than me, and then I don't really get a word in.  I swear, I don't talk too much, but I hate it when people won't let me get a word in.  So I guess a quiet girl would do me, but definitely not a shy girl.  No, they should still be engaging, but just not talkative.

Ooh!  I almost forgot!  They have to be Christian.  I'm Christian, and I'm technically not supposed to date anyone that's not.  Although, if there is someone who dates chicks and is bi, totally show them.  Because people like that don't show up that often.  But if you can't find anyone that is, that's okay.  But just keep that in mind.

They also need to be a big secret keeper.  I'm in the closet, so that's kind of an obvious.  Maybe you can find someone that is in the closet, too?

Sorry for being so picky, but I'm reeeeally nervous and don't want to mess this up.  But thanks, Elsa.  You're a lifesaver.

If you wanna find me, my locker is 118, in upstairs A Hall.  But my locker's full of junk, and I don't go to it a lot, but I'm usually hanging out on the golf course or by the shore.  I've got black hair and blue eyes and I kind of have a Matt Smith kind of face, if anybody gets that reference.  Wait, if anybody does, I don't care who they are, give 'em my stuff!

- Erica

Chapter 4 - Giselle Mansfield

Hi!  I'm Giselle Mansfield, I'm 16, I've got strawberry blonde hair that goes down to my butt, I'm SUUUUPER tall, I've got HUGE blue eyes, and I'm looking for The One.

Okay, maaaaybe I'm going a little too fast, but if I could find my future husband, that would be a TOTAL DREAM COME TRUE!  And then I would be bestfriends with Elsa for infinity and beyond because she used the Matchmaker Trials to find my future husband!

But a few things that I really like, well, I love art, mainly sculpting, which kind of shows since I'm in Sculpting 2, I'm a Soprano 1 in the choir, and I LOOOOVE to sing high, but sometimes it gets either really loud or really nasal.  I also love animals, and I either want to be a sculptor or a vet.  Or do taxedermy!  That would have sculpting AND animals!  Though they would be dead... they'd still be animals!

Most of my friends say I'm really perky and I'm totally innocent, well, I am a virgin, but that doesn't have anything to do with it.  I mean, seriously, have you seen Sweeper Bolger?  I heard she slept with the entire Dwight family!  Well, the guys.  Actually, she could have done it with some of the girls, but probably not.  Well....  She slept with the six that go here, three are brothers, then two of them are their cousins, but their twins, and then there's just one other cousin that is kind of messed up in the head, and I'm pretty sure he's a pothead.  Probably gets his dope from that hippie Zelle.  Anyway, I'm not here to talk bad about other people, I'm here to talk about MEEE!!!

Wait, so the girls talk about themselves and the guys talk about the girl they want, and the girls answer their questions?  Okay!  Shoot!

Well, I don't really wanna say that I don't care about looks, but... okay, I do!  They're almost all that matter to me!  I've got my dream guy set in stone!  He's got Edward Cullen's hair, but the color of chocolate, blue eyes that sparkle, the PERFECT nose, and the cutest smile you've ever seen!  And he's tall, and dashing, and his favorite color is blue, and he likes fencing, but maybe I'm getting too specific.

My locker number is 1174 in K Hall.  Catch up with me if you're interested!

- Giselle

Chapter 3 - Adam Lurz

Hi, I'm Adam.  Most of you probably know me, mainly cause I'm linebacker.  Well, okay, people know Lee Shane and Henry more than me, but that's still cool.

Alright, I'll be honest, I'm not Prince Charming.  I don't look good, I don't act good, I don't even smell good.  People say I smell like wet dog all the time.  Probably why I can't get a girlfriend.  Or a boyfriend.

Yeah, I just found out I like dudes, might as well just come out about it.  I don't really care who falls in love with me or whatever, as long as they don't care what I look like.  Now, I'm not really looking for a guy to date here, I'm really looking for a really nice girl.  Like one of those girls where you think she's all creepy and then she takes off the piercings and the glasses and you find out she was beautiful the whole time, but because of who she was on the inside.  Yeah, it sounds cheesy, but, hey, you asked, Elsa.

Most people don't even try to get to know me!  They think I'm big-headed and have a bad attitude, but if there's a girl who knows that I'm not, please, Elsa, SHOW!  HER!

Yeah, so, girls... guys... anyone, if you're interested, my locker's 315, downstairs C Hall.  Leave me a tip.

- Adam

Chapter 2: Zelle Veneziano

Um, hi.  My name is Zelle Veneziano.  Well, actually my name is Rapunzel Florida Veneziano, but, I don't wanna be a hippie.  My mom's pretty hippie.  She tried to homeschool me for a while, but then the state said she couldn't cause she was bad at it.  I wouldn't necessarily say she's a pothead, well, yeah, I would, cause she makes pot cupcakes a lot.  I used to eat them a lot, but then they kinda made me stupid, so she wanted me to be smart.  So far it's not working.

I'm 18, and I'm a freshman, like that makes any sense, and I like purple, and I end up stoned a lot because there's a lot of pot smoke in my house, so if I get a guy on here, he can't come over cause my mom's gonna think he's got the plague.  And the po-po.  And he's a cannibal.

She's stoned a lot.

A lot of my friends say I'm really immature and I need to start acting my age, or at least my grade, and that's probably why I have none.

I do a lot of music, and art, and writing, and dancing.  I can do breakdancing.  So I'm great for parties.  And flashmobs.  And parties.  And flashmobs.  And parties.  I've never been to a party so I really wanna go to one so that I can show off my mad skills.

I am a total blonde, and I have really long hair mainly because my mom doesn't believe in scissors.  I usually just stuff it in my beanie, because it's huge and it's really roomy and can hold a lot of hair.  And it's purple.  I like purple.  I wish I were purple.  I've got a really cute lavender tank top on, and some really comfy purple bell-bottoms with flowers all over.

Like I said, I've got LOOOOONG blonde hair, I've got light eyes, they're kinda blue green, I've got a slope nose, but it's not a really big slope nose, just like a little tiny like fwoop!  You couldn't put tiny people on it to ski.  They'd just go down and not really up at all.  Aaaand...

I looooooooove to SMILE!  But I've a got a really tiny mouth, so I've got a really tiny smile, but I'll still smile for you if you make me happy!

Yeah, so I'm locker 1301, that's in downstairs M Hall, and I don't have a phone because my mom doesn't believe in cell phones because she thinks they emit radiation and that they're gonna give you cancer, and that's just stupid.  And you have to believe in them, because they actually exist!  Just like people believe in Santa, because he exists!  So, it doesn't matter if you don't like it, you still have to believe it exists, because it exists!

Peace out!

- Zelle

Chapter 1 - Elsa and the Matchmaker Trals

"I, Elsa Shipley, promise to devote my incredible intuition towards this experiment here at Malcom High.  With the help of my sister, Ana, we will find suitable partners for all single people who wish to step forward!"

That was what the poster said.  Over a million copies were printed and posted around school.  People were tired of finding them in their lockers, in the boy's bathrooms (God knows how she got them in there), anywhere and everywhere people could be.

Then there was Anatomy, that sunny Tuesday.  Could Mrs. Leonard drone on any longer?  Something had to be done.

A note fell on Elsa's desk.  Who in their right mind passes notes in Mrs. Leonard's class?  But, curious and rebellious, she slid it beneath her desk, keeping a watchful eye on Mrs. Leonard, and opened the letter.  "When are you taking in people for the Matchmaker Trials? - Phillip Marlowe"

Phillip Marlowe was looking for a girlfriend?  And was going to her, the least popular girl in school?  She turned around to Phillip, who was sitting slightly behind her to her left, and she mouthed, "Now," when the phone rang.

"Mrs. Leanard's room," she answered when she picked it up.  "Okay, I'll send her down."  She looked at the class.  "Elsa Shipley?  Principal Chaplin wants to see you.

"Oooh!" three of the guys in class, Al Dubinski, John Burden-Smith, and Naveen Faris howled at her, knowing she was in trouble for the Matchmaker Trials.  Mrs. Leonard shot them a dirty look and sent their minds back to their textbooks.  She wrote Elsa a pass and sent her off.

Elsa received all sorts of looks from the classrooms she passed with open doors.  She was known throughout the school now, and when they saw her walk in the direction of Principal Chaplin's office, they knew the Matchmaker Trials were over.

She only had a few people sign up, most of them not very popular, but the posters had to have been the biggest problem.

She carefully slid open his door and took a seat in the chair in front of him.  He was checking something on his computer when she sat down.  He turned around.

"Miss Shipley," he greeted her.  "You know why you're here, don't you?"

"Yes, sir," she replied, folding her hands in her lap and looking down.  "It's because of the Matchmaker Trials."

"It's not necessarily because of the trials itself, but it's just the posters."  He adjusted a small Mickey Mouse on his desk.  "You understand that posters have to be school-approved, and they have to be for school events, right?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I didn't know."

"Now, I am completely okay with you doing this, believe me, I think it will be a good idea for the people at this school to reconnect, but just keep the advertisements online, okay?"

"Thank you, sir!"

"You're welcome, Elsa."  He scribbled something on her pass, then sent her off.

Thank the stars he didn't give me detention! she thought.  I thought I was dead meat!

She skipped off to class, and, for the next week, she couldn't stop thinking about it.  She created a website that had all the information on it, and almost every kid in school looked it up, though not everyone signed up.  Finally, she posted, "SESSIONS TOMORROW!"